Simple Living with Wanda Urbanska

Wanda's Diary Entries

Friday, February 24, 2006

The Poland trip is very much on my mind, even today, four weeks and a day after Frank, Henry and I returned from Poland and Estonia. The memories come back to me of the “simple life” that I led in Poland, sleeping on my cousin Monika’s sofa bed for most of the five-week visit, walking around the city, or using trams or buses to get around.

But you know what I think of most? It’s Monika’s generosity that gets to me, the way she, like most of the Poles I met, put family first. The way she vacated her “bedroom” which is the front/living area in her one-bedroom apartment in Warsaw, so graciously, never once showing a hint of irritation over what Americans might view as an unacceptable sacrifice.

Monika Malcher was born in Warsaw in 1961, and when she was a few months old, she, parents and older sister Ewa moved into the then new flat on ulica Barska (Barska Street), then on the fringes of the city. She has lived in this one place her entire life. She attended elementary school next door and knows every neighbor in her apartment building. And when Henry and I arrived at the Warsaw Airport on December 19, with an offer to stay at an empty apartment near Lazienki Park, Monika, who is a single librarian, said: “Stay with me a few days, and get settled and rested and then we can decide when you wish to go.”

The days went by and we got more comfortable, sharing meals, drinking tea, and eating delectable Polish pastries. Monika did a splendid job acting as hostess. Every morning she would wake up and walk her dog and return with fresh “bulki” rolls from the bakery for our breakfast. Every night when she came home, she would prepare us a lovely dinner, heavy on vegetables, cheeses and fresh, grainy bread. We tried to do our part: washing dishes, buying groceries, helping out where we could.

Before long, it was clear to me that not only were we not impositions on her time and schedule, but that she actually wanted us to stay. Her English (which is already excellent) was improving; my Polish had nowhere to go but up; and our affection for each other was growing. More than once, I thought how improbable it was that second cousins, women grew up in different lands, whose grandfathers were brothers, could be spending so much time together. For many Americans, a second cousin in a foreign land is someone you never get to know.

I could not help but compare the Polish side of my family to my American cousins. (The American ancestry of my mother’s side of the family is Danish and British, and I have cousins all over the country, but especially in North Carolina, Georgia, Missouri, Texas and California.) I think about my own dear sister, Jane. Unless it were an emergency, I know I wouldn’t be welcome in her spacious suburban ranch house for five days, let alone five weeks. With my American first cousins, it’s amazing if we can find time to schedule a lunch together every decade or so. And as for most of my second cousins here, I barely know most of their names.

In addition to living without computer access, without a cell phone, without a car during my stay in Poland, I was privileged to have access, up close and personal, to a dear cousin with a strong sense of duty, of family, a strong faith and a big heart. Frank, Henry and I have been forever changed by staying with Monika. May she come soon to North Carolina where she can be our guest!